


Not Exactly Homosexual

by solluxfuckingcaptor (PhoenixUnending)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Asexual, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-04
Updated: 2014-08-04
Packaged: 2018-02-11 17:57:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2077635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoenixUnending/pseuds/solluxfuckingcaptor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hell, for all you know he’s asexy too. But even if he’s not, why so secret? Why are you hiding? No body’s going to care.<br/>Asexual Karkat has the hots for John, but there's no way that could work. Right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Exactly Homosexual

You meander outside and sit on the step of the porch. Inside you can hear the sounds of the party. It’s cold out here, but after all it is New Year’s Eve. You won’t be out here too long, you just needed to get a break from everyone. It’s a bit crazy in there. Put a bunch of teenagers in a room together and the results are never good. When you left, Eridan and Sollux had challenged each other to see who could drink more, and would probably end up both completely wasted and passed out together after making out for a solid 5 minutes straight. You were just waiting for them to start dating. Vriska was pretty drunk too, and was trying to hit on John. That was one of the reasons you had come outside. You didn’t want to see her hitting on the boy of your dreams, especially since, even drunk, she had a chance with him. You would have gone to talk to Dave, since he was a surprisingly good listener, but he was drunk too. Not like Eridan or Vriska, but still enough that he would probably just tell you to go talk to John, and you weren’t planning on doing that. He made his sexuality clear a while ago, and you had no interest in getting your heart even more broken.

The boards on the porch creaked, alerting you to a presence behind you. John settled on the porch next to you. “Aren’t you cold?”

You rolled your eyes a little. “I’d rather be cold out here than in there watching everyone sticking their tongues down each other’s throats. Are Eridan and Sollux making out yet?” you asked absently.

John shuddered a little. “As I was leaving I saw Sollux drag Eridan into the bathroom.” You shudder too.

John sits in silence with you for a minute. “So how long are you gonna stay out here?”

You shrug. “I dunno. I’m not exactly the type to sit around drinking and slobbering all over people.”

John chuckles. “Neither am I, and I’ve been in there enjoying myself.”

“Yeah, well I’m sure you’re mostly enjoying having Spider-Bitch hanging off you.” It comes out with more malice than you intended but you don’t acknowledge it.         

John frowns. “No, actually. She was getting really annoying. I was actually really glad you were out here because it gave me an excuse to get away.”

“Why? I would think you’d be happy to have her into you. She’s your type isn’t she? She looks like a model, she likes Nic Cage, what more could a guy ask for?”

John stares at his feet in the snow. “I dunno, maybe someone who doesn’t think an entire relationship should be built around kissing and sex?”

“But that’s what relationships are, aren’t they? Go ask Eridan and Sollux.”

John sighs. “Maybe I don’t want that kind of relationship.” He leans against your shoulder and your heart flutters before you squash it. It doesn’t mean anything. John’s a touchy guy. Just apparently not around the mouth.

 

 

You spend the rest of your winter break the same way you spent the first part of your winter break, watching rom-coms. Both Dave and Karkat come by a few times. Dave watches the movies with you and critiques their irony. John tries to convince you to watch Cage movies. You’re enjoying the free time, but you’re glad when college starts back up. You were starting to get bored. Everyone headed back to school, although most of you weren’t going far.

Most of you were in the same town, some in community college and some in the private 4 year college, Skaia University. You and Dave were both at Skaia, living on campus and sharing a dorm room. John had a room shared with Eridan, poor guy. Eridan and Sollux had finally properly hooked up instead of their previous drunken disasters, but Sollux was at the community college, still living at home, and since they wanted to avoid his family they usually ended up in John and Eridan’s room. As a result John had taken to spending most of his time in Dave’ and your room. The boy had a ridiculous amount of pillows, which he had brought into your room and made a pile of on the floor in the corner. He slept there, explaining that even when Sollux was gone, the room smelled like sex and he wasn’t so sure they had confined it to Eridan’s bed.

It didn’t bother you that John had taken up residence in your room. You wouldn’t want to live in a room that smelled like sex either. In fact, you moved your clothes from your dresser to the closet so he could keep his things there. It was fine, until your dorm’s heating went funky. It wasn’t exactly turning off, but the entire dorm was no longer as warm as it had been. John didn’t complain, just burrowed deeper into his pillow pile, but you got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom once, and the light coming in the window illuminated him enough for you to see him shaking. You wondered if he was sleeping. He’d seemed more tired than usual the day before.

Coming back from the bathroom, you stood by the pile and whispered, “Egbert?”

He lifted his head. “Yeah Karkat?”

“Are you OK?”

He was still shaking, but he nodded. “Yeah, just a little cold.”

“You don’t have any blankets and I don’t have any to offer you, but… umm” you ran your hand through your hair, “you could share my bed until the heating’s fixed if you want.”

John protested, insisting that he was inconveniencing you enough as it was, and you let it go. It was a stupid idea anyway, but your crush on him still hadn’t gone away, and you’d been watching too many rom-coms. The next morning though you woke up to a very warm John Egbert curled up at the edge of your bed with his back against yours, hugging one of the pillows from his pile. It was Saturday and you didn’t have to get up so you went back to sleep and when you woke again he was gone.

 

That wasn’t the last time you found John in your bed. He was sneaky about it though. He was one of those people who woke up way too early, so he was always gone when you woke up. The only trace that he was regularly in your bed was the fact that by the time spring break came around your pillow was beginning to smell faintly of his cologne.

During Spring break those of your group who had gone out of town for college (Jade, Nepeta, Equius, Terezi, you stupid brother Kankri and his boyfriend Cronus, as well as a few others) came back. John went on a date with Nepeta, which seemed random to you, but you acted happy for him. It didn’t work out though. John decided that you were the appropriate one to tell about his failed date.

“It was going good, I took her out for ice cream and we talked a bit. Then we went to walk around the park and she wanted to hold my hand and I didn’t mind that but then she made me go off the path with her and she kissed me! It was weird and I didn’t like it. I freaked out and ran.”

You weren’t entirely sure what he wanted from you so you just nodded and he seemed satisfied and kept talking. “I called her this morning and apologized. She said she understood and she was sorry for moving too fast. I dunno I don’t think we’ll be going on any more dates.”

You made the appropriate sorry face and told him it was too bad. He shrugged and said it was no big deal. That was the last date you heard about John going on that year, but it was getting late in the season and everyone was beginning to feel the stress of impending finals. During the actual week of finals, John got so stressed that he gave his secret of sleeping in your bed away. You woke in the middle of the night to him clinging to you, crying softly. You wrapped your arms around him and pulled him closer and petted gently circles on his back. In the morning he was gone as usual and you never said anything. Dave gave you a look though, and you thought that maybe he had seen his best bro curled up in his other bro’s arms.

 

 

After finals you moved out of your dorm for the summer. You took to spending time at John’s house to avoid your father and irritating brother. In fact, you spent so much time there that you started leaving clothes there. Dave started joking that you were a married couple. When John wasn’t around you punched Dave for that.

It worked out though. Dave had started dating Terezi right after finals were over, and announced to you that “Karkles, Sparkles, baby I love you and I’m always gonna be your bro, seeing as no one else will and shit, but you’re gonna have to find yourself a new roommate cuz I’m moving into an apartment with Terezi. Of course, I’m pretty sure Eggbut isn’t gonna want to live with Eridan anymore anyway so you two should get a room. And I mean that in more ways than one, ya know.”

You punched him fondly. “Asshat. It’s not like we’d do anything. He’s ‘not a homosexual’ after all.”

Dave nodded, and you assumed he was rolling his eyes, though you couldn’t tell through his shades. “Course, you aren’t either.”

You gave him a glare. “I thought we weren’t going to talk about that.”

Dave shrugs. “I don’t see what the big deal is. So you’re asexual. We’re surrounded by homos, and other variations of such, nobody is going to judge you.”

“See Dave, you don’t get it. We’re in college. The world revolves around sex. I mean, look at Eridan and Sollux. Or Rose and Kanaya. Or hell, you and Terezi, you’re fucking aren’t you?”

Dave shrugs again. “We haven’t done the FULL SEX yet.” He says waving his arms to make his point.

“So you’ve done the partial sex. Kissing. Nudity. Genitals.” You make a face. “Tongue down the throat. Dick down the throat. Whatever. You’re moving in together for Christ’s sake.” You groan. “Use protection. I do not want miniature you’s climbing all over me and slobbering all over me and trying to impress me with dumb irony.”

Dave looks hurt. “Little me’s would be amazing fuck you! Look, Karkat, I don’t know what to tell you about your little homo-no-homo-crush on Egbert, but he’s been my best bro since kindergarten and he was afraid of cooties way after the rest of us got interested in boobs and shit, and I don’t think he’s even ever been kissed. Hell, for all you know he’s asexy too. But even if he’s not, why so secret? Why are you hiding? No body’s going to care. I mean, Jade might ask you if you reproduce by budding, but that’s because she likes plants more than people.”

You sigh. “I know, I know. I’m just afraid of being judged or some shit. I was gonna come out, and then, Surprise! Eridan’s gay and Sollux is bi and Kanaya and Rose are permanently attached at the lips and I was afraid it would seem like I was just trying to get attention. Special snowflake or something. Like hey look at me I’m asexual aren’t I special? Pay attention to me! And that’s not what I wanted. So I just kept quiet.”

Dave shrugs. “Up to you man, but it might get Nepeta off your case. I hear she’s going to try to set you up with some friend of hers from Derse U, Aradia or something?”

You sigh. “I’ll think about it.”

Dave slaps your back as he leaves. “Progress.”

 

You do think about it. You think about it a lot. That doesn’t mean you’re going to do anything about it. You debate if you should tell John first or just come out to everyone at once. You’re still debating when John inadvertently makes the choice for you.

You’re laying back on your bed reading a book when John comes bursting into your shared room. He climbs onto the bed and lays on top of you with his head on your chest. You set your book aside and he folds his arms across your chest to prop himself up without digging his elbows into you. It’s times like this that you’re actually really glad you’re asexual because if your rom-coms are anything to go by, normal guys would have a boner by now.

“Can I help you Egbert?” you question, trying to sound irritated. You aren’t sure you succeed.

He snorts. Laying his head down against your chest, with his chin digging in just a little, he moans, “I’m bored Karkat!”

“So you decided that best thing to do was crush me to death with your fatness?”

John picks his head back up. “I’m not fat!” he says indignantly. Then his face changes to something more worried. “Right?”

You roll your eyes. “No stupid, you aren’t fat. What, are you afraid you aren’t attractive enough to get all the girls?”

John sighs. “Something like that…”

You roll your eyes again. “John. Dude. Shut up. You are very attractive. You are the attractive. It is you. I am attracted to you.”

“Great,” John says, “that’s just what I need, Karkat attracted to me. You aren’t gonna try to jump me in my sleep right?”

“Says the guy who interrupted my book to lay on top of me because he’s bored. You’re lucky I’m not sexually attracted to you or I’d probably have a massive boner right now. Wouldn’t you just love that John? Your roommate popping a boner underneath you?”

John giggles, then his expression turns more serious. “Karkat, are you gay?”

You choke on your own spit. “What the hell? Why would you ask that?”

John shrugs as well as he can whilst on top of you. “Well, you’ve never said anything, but I can’t remember the last time you dated anyone, girl or guy. So I thought maybe you were homosexual but you just weren’t ready to come out of the closet.”

You sigh. “So you think that if I was in the closet I would decide that I needed to come out to you?”

John frowns. “I, um, sorry Karkat, I shouldn’t have asked.”

You sigh again, Dave’s words from earlier ringing in your head. _“Hell, for all you know he’s asexy too. But even if he’s not, why so secret? Why are you hiding? No body’s going to care.”_ You think to yourself, _“Fuck it.”_

“John, I’m not homosexual. But I’m not heterosexual either. I’m not sexual. I’m,” you gulp, “asexual.”

John blinks at you for a minute and doesn’t say anything.

“You’re asexual?” he finally says, sounding confused and sort of sad. He shakes his head. “Of course you’re asexual.”

He climbs off of you. “Sorry Karkat. I guess I shouldn’t have gone climbing all over you, huh? I’ve probably been annoying the hell out of you.” He climbs into his own bed and buries himself in the ever-present pillow mass. You hear him mutter, “Just my luck,” before he wiggles far enough into the pile that you can’t see him.

You start to climb off of your bed to go dig him out of the pile, but think better of it. Sitting up and crossing your legs you ask, “What do you mean, ‘just my luck’?”

The mass of pillows moves a little, but John stays thoroughly buried. You hear some noise that sounds like John’s voice but it’s muffled too much for you to understand. You hop off of your bed and pull the top pillow off of the pile. That doesn’t actually do you any good because all you see is more pillows. Three pillows later you succeed in getting enough out of the way that you can see John’s messy hair.

“What now?”

John sighs, and you can hear it even through the pillows. He picks his head up just enough for you to hear him. “It’s just my luck that I’d get a crush on an asexual. I don’t know what’s worse. I didn’t want to have a crush on you because I’m not gay, and the thought of having sex with you and stuff is weird, and I want to kiss you cuz I like you and that’s what you do but at the same time it grosses me out, and I don’t know what to do, but I like you. OK, there I said it, I hope Dave’s happy, my life is ruined!”

With this he promptly yanks the pillows out of your hand and buries himself again.

To say you are shocked would be an understatement. John likes you? But he always said he isn’t gay!

You decide to question him in your usual eloquent style. “What the fuck Egbert? You can’t just say something like that and get my hopes up then go back to hiding under your damn pillows! And what the fuck do you mean, ‘I hope Dave’s happy’?”

John pokes his head back out of the pillows. “Hopes up?”

“Yes. You got my fucking hopes up, Mr. Not-a-homosexual. I like you ok. I like you and your dumb face and your dumb jokes and your dumb lack of personal space. And for the record, it didn’t bother me when you invaded my personal space. As long as you keep your junk away from me I’m more than happy to be close to you. I mean, yeah, I’m asexual but I can still enjoy physical contact and stuff. Cuddling builds trust or some shit like that.”

John is slowly making his way out of his nest. “You…like…me?”

You stare at your feet, suddenly nervous now that he’s looking at you. “Well yeah. Who wouldn’t?”

John chuckles a little. “A lot of people. You wouldn’t believe how many people want nothing to do with you when they find out you don’t want to kiss them!”

“Actually I do kinda know a little about that.”

John laughs nervously. “Oh yeah.”

“So, I like you. You like me. Right?”

“Yeah.”

“If this was a rom-com this would be the part where we kiss.”

John makes a face.

“Maybe you could just let me climb into that disaster you call a bed and cuddle with you?”

John looks nervous, but he shuffles around and pushes the pillows out of the way to make a space for you. You climb onto his bed and after a minute of awkward wiggling about for both of you, you get into a comfortable position with you curled up against his side and your head on his shoulder. He leans his head on yours, and pushes the pillows back into place.

“Karkat?” he asks softly.

“Yeah John?”

“What are we?”

“College students.” You smirk. “Broke college students.”

“No, you and me. You know…” he trails off, clearly uncomfortable.

You take pity on him. “That’s kinda up to you. I mean, I’d like to call you my boyfriend. If that’s ok. I’d like to cuddle you and take you on dates and pay for your tickets to your stupid movies, and maybe you’ll let me kiss you on the cheek?”

John nods, his cheek rubbing your hair. “Yeah. Yeah, let’s be boyfriends. And we can cuddle, and go on dates, and if you buy movie tickets I’m buying the popcorn. And maybe we can see some of your silly rom-coms.”

You nod and lean more against him, slouching down a little. “So you’re OK with dating a guy?”

“Well I wouldn’t want to date just any guy. And I’ve never wanted to date a guy before. But I’m OK with dating you. I just can’t get my mind around the idea that I might be a homosexual!”

You poke his side gently. “I don’t think you are a homosexual.”

“What? But, you, me, this! You’re a guy Karkat!”

“I’m not a homosexual. And you said you don’t like kissing or anything right?”

“Yeah…”

“So, maybe you’re asexual too.”

John tilts his head. “Maybe I’m asexual. Wow, I never thought about that.”

“Yeah, a lot of people don’t really think about it.”

“I guess that explains why I don’t really get crushes much.”

“Eh, not necessarily. I’ve had a handful of crushes. I just didn’t want to bone them. But the whole, ‘I don’t like guys but I like Karkat’ thing makes me think that you might be demiromantic.”

“Demi-wha?”

“Demiromantic. Basically no love at first sight. You have to have a bond with someone already. Like living in my room for a semester.”

“Oh. Yeah. That’s a thing I guess.”

“I guess so.”

You sit in silence for a bit, enjoying each other’s company.

John breaks the silence first. “Do you think Dave and Terezi bet on us?”


End file.
